i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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