He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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