Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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