did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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