Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
