We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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