When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
COCAINE IS GR8
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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