I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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