you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
