got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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