Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
