I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
