I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
