I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You have to summon your inner elephant
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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