You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
