I'm eating all of the evidence.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
