she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
