the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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