Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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