I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
