You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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