I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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