dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
