Joe is yelling at the trees again.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
