You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
