the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
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