She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
