eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
