I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize