Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
