i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
