I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
