im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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