I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
