i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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