First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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