I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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