I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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