All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
