tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
