yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize