Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
