I met the friendliest cop last night
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
