a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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