Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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