The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
