He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize