I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
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