After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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