He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
