How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
