never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Im part way to drunk.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
