i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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