I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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