I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
