Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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