Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
