she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
