paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
