just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
