sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
