i think i have herpe
just one?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
