he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
