god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
