pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
